august seventeenth, twenty twenty-five

i’m twenty-eight.

that used to petrify me, not anymore. i’ve always sensed that there was this older, wiser person in me. reasonable, rational and capable. as if to guide me, she walked the path ahead just out of reach but never out of sight. i attributed every aspiration to her - she was my future, my self-actualization. even so, many times i wondered if i would ever become whatever it is i thought she was. and many times i was unconvinced that i would.

i can tell that my generation is terrified of aging in a way that feels more palpable than before. youth is a precious, finite resource and we grasp onto it white-knuckled - unwilling and unable to let it go. i figure that some of it has to do with our inability to reach what were once simple, achievable milestones. we are forced in some ways to stunt our own development because we are incapable of attaining our own independence, through no fault of our own in many cases. college degrees, trade jobs and entrepreneurial endeavors are not enough to guarantee financial freedom. plenty of us live with others because we cannot afford to live alone. how can one even conceptualize becoming an “adult” when adulthood is kept behind a seemingly insurmountable paywall?

i’m not where i want to be by any means. i am fortunate in the sense that i have the potential to be, i have options. i don’t meet that privilege with carelessness, even though i constantly feel as though i’m not doing enough. but i know deeply and truly that i can. for the first time in my life i say that with confidence.

and so, as i crest into the last years of my twenties i feel that responsibility to myself and to “her” resting heavily on my shoulders. no longer is she walking ahead of me, she has turned to me and i face her with deference. we are not two halves of one person anymore. we are now one woman and it is and will always be the greatest honor of my life. to embody fully who i’ve always known myself to be. there are no more excuses, no more creating in the dark and tucking my art into the shadows. i have no choice but to expose myself, finally. i have hidden my face, my voice, my music as though they were my shame when all i have ever wanted to be is my salvation.

so that’s why i’m here, that’s why i am sharing what i’ve made - i simply can’t afford not to. i hope it’s appreciated by others, but regardless i appreciate what i’ve done for myself.

thank you for being here, until next time.

xoxo

winston